Offering Hope and Recovery to Chronic Pain Sufferers

I wrote these letter years ago. I was going to change it. But I now want people to see how my mind worked years ago. Hope everyone can keep up. I walk, talk and write in circles, and on occasion I have a sense of humor. And I am also bipolar. OK it’s out in the open I’m Bipolar, it is not contagious and it is not a nasty vulgar word. If you have a broken bone you can go to the E.R. and get a cast. But if your brain is broken a cast just won’t do the trick. On occasion I may need a muzzle for my mouth but I just don’t want a cast on the squiggly gray stuff in between my ears, supposedly called a brain.


A long long time ago I was surfing the internet trying to find articles about chronic pain. I found that many doctors think patients complaining about chronic pain are trying to get pain medication, some doctors think it is a way of getting attention, some don’t even believe in certain types of chronic pain, some think it is all in your head. How true that is-- a lot of it is in my head. If you suffer like I have, you know the drill. If something doesn’t work right have surgery. If that doesn’t work have surgery again. Then if surgery doesn’t work and you are still suffering--back to ground zero. More tests and the cycle begin again. After that you will be sent to another specialist. At one point in my life I felt I was in a doctor’s office more than in my home. Most doctors never take the time to see the full spectrum.
As I was surfing the net for articles on chronic pain I found an article about Dr Robert T. Cochran and his book “Understanding Chronic Pain a Doctor talks to his patients.” Then about 2 weeks later I saw him on a local TV station. I knew I believed in fate but this was just a little nudge from above that Fate does exist. I ordered his book from the library. I think I was 158 in line. Gee Whiz, guess everyone in a 100 mile radius saw him on TV that day. Being 158 in line for a library book proves a lot of people out there need help. After weeks waiting the book was finally available. I went to the library and brought it home. I read maybe 3-4 chapters and I felt like Dr. Cochran had been watching the last 15 years of my life. He was writing about me. How did he know ME? How did he know so much? It was eerie. I really can’t describe the feeling after reading 3-4 chapters. At this point I really didn’t want to read any more. After weeks of waiting for the book I took it back to the library. About 2 weeks later I got the nerve up and checked the book out again. Read a little more (not a lot) and took it back to the library again. I saw myself in every one of the patients he was writing about. At this point I had to finish the book or get it out of my mind completely. As they say the third time is a charm. Book complete!! Now it was beyond eerie. It was like a Peeping Tom had been with me for a very long time, but his name wasn’t Tom, it was Dr. Robert Cochran. At this point I realized I WAS going to meet this Doctor. I felt like I would literally die if I didn’t meet him. I was almost at the point of no return. It was like he wrote this book for me and about me. It was a bit confusing. The book talked about things that happened to me but I had never told anyone. Was it possible I could have a better quality of life? I e-mailed him and he responded by calling me within a few days .At first I thought it was a prank. The one thing that has kept me going is my sense of humor. I had talked about Dr. C. and told everyone about his book. I truly believed it was a prank. When I realized it was the good Doctor. I was speechless. My husband would disagree; he says I am never speechless. I couldn’t believe he would take time out of his busy schedule to call me. One of the most prominent Physicians in the Nashville area actually makes his own phone calls. I told him I would call and make an appointment. Since I am the biggest procrastinator in the world I never made that appointment. In a way I was frightened. I was still dealing with the creepy effect the book had on me. How the heck did he know about me?? A few days later he called again, and his office made an appointment for me.
As Paul Harvey always said on his program “And now the rest of the story.” I had so much bottled up inside me for so many years. I couldn’t remember the last time I slept for more than two hours. I have been angry for so long, and I don’t even know why. My mind feels like it is in a fog most of the time. I think my brain might be broken. I talk in circles all the time and I talk so fast most people can’t understand me. I can go from good mood to evil in 1.0 seconds. I’m not talking about a little angry I am talking evil-evil moods. Moods that frightened me. My mind races, even when trying to sleep. I can’t concentrate any more at all. I have seen a zillion Doctor’s and 4 shrinks. They couldn’t help me, most said I was mildly depressed. Mildly depressed my foot. Let’s see, self mutilating, angry for no reason, suicidal, racing thoughts spinning out of control, and my pain level was 12 on a scale of 1-10. A zillion doctors and 4 shrinks seem to think I am O.K. What’s wrong with this picture? Before I started seeing Dr. C. I was seeing a Pain Specialist. This was just a drive thru pharmacy. They gave me Lora tab and Soma this did not help my “mild depression” To me mildly depressed is being “kinda” weepy, despondent, and maybe a little sad. I had Suicidal thoughts, I was self mutilating, had mood swings that would make a monkey look lethargic, angry evil moods that would make Linda Blair in the exorcist look like Little Miss Sunshine. On top of all that I was in horrible pain. My coping skills were zilch.
The minute The Good Doctor walked in to the room—I knew my life was about to change. Yes fate was involved. I was going to get better. In my heart it was fate. I know some of you readers out there are going to think I am quite mad. Actually I really am. (Just kidding) Dr C. started shooting questions that no one had ever asked me before. Some of the questions were very painful but for the first time in my life I looked him right in the eye and told him the truth. I started letting go and told him everything. Before I started seeing him I was having thoughts of suicide and I had started self mutilating. I was getting to the point where I couldn’t get out of the house. I was 50 to 60 pounds overweight and looked horrible. I didn’t like me so therefore I couldn’t like anyone else. Before everything happened I was the typical Type A Person. I was a single parent and loved every minute of being a Mom. In my eyes my child was the best in the world. (I know every parent reading this will disagree). I had a wonderful career; I was ambitious, very completive, academically and athletically. If someone told me I couldn’t do something the war was on. I loved a good challenge. I always strived for the best. I visualized being the best. I worked hard and enjoyed what I was doing. As a career oriented single parent, I wanted my daughter to have it all. The best of the best. Her education was my first priority. The best education, the best prep schools. We had it all! .Designer clothes, cars, boats, furniture, home, vacation home etc. etc… I was on the fast track..

As you can see not only do I talk in circles I write in circles. I guess I need to tell you readers a little about what changed my life. I was raped by a physician. My daughter and I were in a horrible accident. I have had 5 back surgeries. I can’t walk without a cane. I can no longer work. I know when the pain in my back and leg started, but I am not sure when “the pain in the brain” started.
I had a wonderful childhood. I was an only child and LOVE was abundant in our home. But outside of my home several things happened. For years I thought it was insignificant, but I think Dr. C. thought it was very important. I told Dr. C. about a few things that occurred outside of my home when I was very young. I really didn’t think it was a big deal. Bur Dr. C. zoomed right in on some of the incidents and felt that all of what I told him was important. Dr. C. saw all of my records and could understand why I was in chronic pain and could now explain my “pain in the brain” to me. But after I shared the truth about my life he also told me that he felt sure I was bi polar. At first I told him (AIN’T NO WAY DOC.) I did not understand bi-polar. When someone said bi polar I would think of people with 4 or 5 people living in them, People “high on life” and people down and out”. Before I could get a grip on being bi-polar he said I was also attention deficit. That was OK because I really suspected that for a long time. He put me on some medicine for the Bi-polar and attention deficit. I thought my moods were better, but by the second month I realized the medicine was not doing the job. I felt reasonably sure that when I went in and told him the medicine was not working, I would get the “same ol’ same ol’. He was going to tell me that was all he could do for me and keep on the medicine and it would eventually work. I can’t tell you how many doctors have told me that. Guess what?? He told me there are all kinds of medicine for my symptoms and we would try until we found the right combination. Dr. C. gave me a different kind of medicine. He has adjusted my medicine several times.
But I wanted a pill to make me “my old self” overnight. Guess what folks? It takes more than a day, and I finally realized I had to put forth some effort on my part. I am still a work in progress. Dr. C. is the sculptor and I am the clay.

For anyone reading this I guess u want to know my name.
My name is----------------
Bruce, Harry, Odell, Dean, Michelle, Lucy, Harriett and the names of all of you that suffer chronic pain.

If u suffer Chronic Pain and have not read the book. You really need to read it. You are not alone and there is hope. After you read the book you will see yourself in each of his patients as I do. Is it possible you may be a little like me? But that would be OK now I have gone many months without cutting and have not felt suicidal in a long time. I am one of the fortunate ones. I live in the Nashville area. I am his patient now. If I had not met him my name would probably be on a headstone.

Thank you Dr. C.

P. S. Hey Dr. C. Since it took me years to send this. Maybe I will give a review on your new book in 2013.
If anyone in the Nashville area is fortunate enough to see him, remember the medicine you are on. He really doesn’t want you to tell him you are out of the pink pills. He told me since I had seventeen years of education, I should remember my medication.
I think the medical field is finally catching up with his philosophy.
If you don’t live in the Nashville area at least buy his book and take it to the doctor with you. There is no magic bullet no, pristine bullet, and no magic pill but it is proven that his caring and the way he looks at things work.

Good luck and I hope you find peace.